What To Do When Your "Baby Hates To Be Swaddled" - The Best Infant Swaddle Is Not What You Think

Swaddling helps your baby to feel like he or she is back in the womb, and a snug swaddle can not only soothe a crying baby but also help keep your baby asleep for longer. Swaddling is both a blanket for warmth as well as a technique for soothing. Every so often however I meet a parent who says that their baby does not like to be swaddled and I have a few thoughts I would like to share with you that might explain what is going on. I also want to share a few of my favorite products for soothing your baby and swaddling as well as my instructional video on how to safely swaddle a baby with a traditional swaddle blanket. d

Why does my baby act like s/he does not like the swaddle?

I would like to remind you that while babies are very smart, and smarter than we often give them credit, they are still just babies who have so much to learn. They have a voice and can tell you what they do not like with their cries but they do not understand yet what is best for them. Simply put, some babies fight the swaddle because they are overtired and grumpy, while some babies are simply showing their personality.

Swaddle they told you…

Your baby may act like they hate the swaddle but I suspect they are simply trying to tell you something.

When your baby fights the swaddle consider these things:

Is your baby overheated?

Overheating is a general concern for your baby’s comfort but can also increase your baby’s risk of SIDS or sudden infant death syndrome. Read about risk factors for SIDS and how to reduce those risks HERE. Check the temperature of the room where your baby is sleeping and ask yourself if you would be comfortable in the room in what the baby is wearing and consider that the swaddle blanket is an extra layer. I recommend having swaddles in a variety of fabrics/thickness to help provide a range of temperature options. Is it hot? maybe your baby will wear a onesie and a muslin swaddle to bed. Is it cold? Put him in a zip up footed sleeper with a fleece swaddle.

Is your baby sick?

Figuring out why your baby is crying can be a challenge but is especially tough in the first three months as a new parent. During these early months you must constantly asses why your baby is crying and how you can help them but do not yet have a handle on the cues your baby is showing you. If your baby feels hot check their temperature. Is your baby eating and voiding as expected? Does something seem to be bothering your baby? Your baby may be fighting the swaddle because something is wrong. If so please be sure to involve your pediatric provider.

Does your baby need to sleep?

I remember with my first child feeling like I was constantly sweating. I as working so hard to soothe her because I could not tell what she wanted. With every cry I would feed her, change her diaper, and try to put her to sleep. I wish someone would have told me to chill out. Consider your baby’s sleeping patterns and how long she has been awake. If your newborn has been awake for 2 hours and is now fussy I would feed her and then actively put her to sleep. If she fusses when you swaddle her but you know that she really should be asleep then your swaddle will serve as a teaching tool for your baby. She may fight it initially but most babies eventually will give in and go to sleep. Eventually your baby will start to understand when it is time to sleep and even associate the swaddle with sleep. Babies do not often follow a schedule but as you gain the basic knowledge of infant development related sleep patterns and expectations you can help encourage your baby to sleep in the amounts and times expected. Babies often act like they don’t want to go to sleep even when they are tired. Babies need help learning how to go to sleep. As a parent its your job to teach them.

Book Recommendation

I love the book Baby 411 by Denise Fields and Ari Brown as it provides quick answers for parents who want to know things like, “my baby is 3 months old, how much should they be sleeping?” While your baby is crying in the bed next to you, you do not need a textbook. You need answers. Your goal is not to become a sleep expert but to be the expert when it comes to your baby.

How long has your baby been in the swaddle (during the day and over the months)?

You will want to be sure that your baby has time out of their swaddle to stretch and use their arms, head and neck. If you are actively napping your baby then swaddle them and when your baby is awake then allow them to move freely. It is ok to swaddle your baby overnight as the swaddle serves to limit the newborn startle reflex which often wakes a sleeping baby. Think of swaddling as an active part of your sleep routine for baby. Not allowing your baby to startle and wake up will help baby stay asleep until the newborn startle reflex begins to fade around 2-4 months. Swaddles are snug around the arms for this purpose. This 2-4 month time frame is also when babies may start to roll. At this point you should stop swaddling to ensure your baby has their arms available to help them support their head and roll on to their back.

Babies Need Soothing

Babies do more than just eat, poop, and sleep…. they CRY too! In all seriousness babies need soothing. So when your baby freaks out when first put into the swaddle consider that he may just need some calming. Some babies will calm easier than others just like some adults calm easier than others. Parents can learn some really helpful tricks though to provide an infant with soothing that makes sense to a baby. Pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp has taught his technique of soothing babies for years through his Happiest Baby On The Block program which teaches the 5 S’s: swaddle, side-stomach position, shush, swing, and suck. I encourage you to learn all of these techniques to help learn how to soothe a baby, but as you can see swaddling is one of the tools that can be helpful. Have you all seen the Snoo? This device is pretty great. It was designed to replicate the womb as taught by Dr. Harvey Karp and his 5 S technique. The Snoo was Dr. Karps way of helping out a parent by creating a machine that could do a bit of the swinging, shushing, and swaddling for you. This bassinet does not take away all of the work of course but it will give your arms a break every now and again.

These bassinets are great for those early months primarily but can be pricey to purchase. Now you can also RENT the Snoo!

Rent Your SNOO for a Few Dollars a Day

Check out the Happiest Baby Blog for lots of amazing tips and info on soothing your baby.

Lets Swaddle

Watch my video on how to swaddle and try it out. Be sure to keep the blanket away from the face and snug around the arms to ensure that your baby really feels soothed and does not come out of the swaddle. A baby may fuss and break free from the swaddle simply because it is not tight enough around their upper body. Be sure however to give them room to kick and stretch their legs.

Learn How to Swaddle Your Baby - Watch me and then try it out! Swaddle a doll or even a pillow if your baby has not yet arrived.

Lets Talk Personality

Some babies just fuss. Some babies cry a lot. If this is your baby then I am sorry but please know it will continue to change and improve with time. My middle child is sensitive…. he has a wide range of emotions and feels the good and bad of life strongly. When he is mad the whole house knows, and when he is happy you have never seen a bigger smile. When he was a baby he cried a ton. Colic was one explanation, but as you read more you start to realize that the term colic is simply a fancy way of saying “sensitive.” Check out Johns Hopkins page on Colic and you will understand the significance of a “sensitive” infant. When I look back on the early days with my middle child I remember thinking “whoa, why is he so upset?” I worked so hard every day to soothe him and it didn’t always work. He was having a hard time adjusting to the world around him and it was not because I was failing as a parent or because he hated swaddles… its just who he is. I have a new perspective on “colic” now as my beautiful boy is 7 and a very happy guy but a person who still at times has trouble adjusting to the world around him. I now realize his crying as an infant was him telling me how BIG his feelings were.

So Now What?

Your baby is crying and still acting like s/he does not like the swaddle so what are you suppose to do?

1. Make sure your baby is not crying for another reason - illness, hunger, dirty diaper, too hot/cold, positioning

2. Decide if it is really time for your baby to sleep

3. If it is definitely sleep time then swaddle your baby (assuming they are in the age appropriate range for swaddling)

4. Learn how to soothe your baby - I suggest the Happiest Baby techniques

5. If your baby has he-man strength or you simply are just not a very good swaddler then check out all of the swaddling options. Borrow from friends before investing or just open one pack and return the extras if they are not helpful for your baby.

6. Try a variety a styles to find the ones you like and consider not only size but material for the time of year in which your baby will be wearing the swaddle. For example - if your baby is born in the summer then there is likely not a point in having a fleece swaddle in a newborn size. Consider however the temperature of where the baby will be sleeping.

Check out some of my favorite swaddle blankets below!

HALO Sleep Sacks -

They come in a variety of colors, materials, and sizes, they are easy to use and wash. As your baby grows out of the swaddle they make options without the tight wrap that are wearable blankets. When purchasing stick with swaddles under 6 month size and sleep sacks only for over 6 months.

Find Great Gift Ideas at HALO Sleep That Is Sure to Make Every Parent Happy.

Here is a great fleece option for colder rooms and months: A unisex option in cotton: And a sweet one in rainbows!! Guys I cant deal with how cute these are!!

Check out the NEW exciting The Harry Potter Collection at HALO Sleep

Aiden And Anais Muslin Swaddle Blankets -

Aiden and Anais makes beautiful muslin swaddle blankets and sleep sacks and swaddles. I love muslin because it is breathable and the blankets are so multipurpose. Not only does a muslin blanket serve as a swaddle but you can use it as a burp cloth, sun shade, breastfeeding cover and more. Not to mention they are so pretty!

Aden & Anais Spring Sales Event: 20% Off Sitewide. Use Code SPRING20

Take advantage of this spring time offer by purchasing directly from Aiden & Anais through 4/1/22!! A few of my faves are listed below.

cotton muslin swaddle 4 pk trail blooms

I love the creative prints like this wonder woman print, the essentials cotton muslin swaddle wonder woman power pop . Dont get me wrong, I am a sucker for a baby girl in bows and pinks like the essentials cotton muslin swaddle 4 pk briar rose but as a feminist I support having a few of these in your drawer as well. I love the Superman™ essentials cotton muslin swaddle 2 pk as well! They offer the boys a classic option like, essentials cotton muslin swaddle 4 pk dapper but they also offer creative patterns like Harry Potter™ iconic cotton muslin swaddle 4 pk and this one... the silky soft muslin swaddle 3 pk indigo shibori . Lastly, check out this essentials easy swaddle™ wrap 3 pk dino-rama, 0-3 months for additional swaddling option from Aiden & Anais.

Magic Merlin Sleepsuit -

This suit is not for the newborn but for the 3-6 month baby who is still needing that soothing snuggle. It looks a little crazy I know but it can be great for some babies.

Hang in there. If you are desperately reading this post because your baby wont sleep be sure to talk with your pediatrician, and utilize your support network. New parents need help and they need a break! Have a friend watch your baby while you take a nap because I know you need it. Well rested parents are happier parents and more patient parents. Happy Swaddling!!

40 Weeks Pregnant & Wondering What The Deal Is With Birth Stories? - Here Is One Way to Document Your Own

A birth story is the telling of a birth experience, and a way for many women to document the birth of their baby. A birth story means putting pen to paper or fingers to keys to tell the story of how the baby got out of your body. You may think that telling your birth story is gimmicky, cheesy, or even odd but there is a solid reason so many women discuss, and document their births. Women tell/share/write their birth stories as a part of the healing process in the postpartum stage.

So, why is your birth worth writing about? What is all the fuss about and why would you care to read someone else’s story? Birth is a transformative physical and mental experience and often women come out on the other side with both amazement and questions. Amazement for what they were able to physically do with their body and questions about how it unfolded. Writing the story of your birth can help you to not only remember the experience but process what happened to you. There is a reason people say “if we did not forget our birth we may not have a second child.” Biology is no joke. Working through your sadness, joy and your memories and details helps you process the events and focus on the beauty of the experience. Some things you quickly forget after birth might be words said, positions you were in, decisions made, who was in the room and more! As you hold your baby it all feels worth it and you know you would do it all over again to have your little person with you. Maybe you had the birth you expected, maybe it was completely different than your plan. The experience, either way, made you a mother and you are now changed forever because of it. Writing your birth story may help you figure out if the process could have been different or simply help you remember the joy forever.

Speaking of working through your birth experience…

So often I find that depression and sadness come from a place of unmet expectations. Some of my patients who have the lowest expectations (ex: “I am going to hate breastfeeding and probably wont last,” “being a mom sounds really hard,” or “I don’t care so much about how the baby comes out”) are the ones that often find extreme joy in their new transformation. Most new moms, even if they intellectually understand that breastfeeding will be a learning process, beat themselves up when it doesn’t work asking themselves, why couldn’t I do it? Some women tell themselves things like, “if I had not been induced” or “only waited to get my epidural I wouldn’t have had a cesarean.” Don’t get me wrong, its great to have a plan and set goals so you can work towards those goals proactively, but being flexible and open minded when bringing your baby into the world allows you to focus on the simple joys of meeting your baby and realizing the amazing strength within you.  

Back to our regularly scheduled program….

Do you ever wonder why women share very detailed sometimes scary facts about their own birth experience with expectant women? Its because women are eager to share their experience and revel in the awe filled intensity. The message is not always delivered in the best way (in my opinion) as they themselves may not fully understand why they share the information. The truth is that with each gritty detail they are trying to say: birth is both intense and beautiful, it is tear evoking and joyful AND I am a bad ass who is way tougher than I could have ever imagined!

You are about to go through your own transition and there is no way to predict the future or to fully explain the depth of the childbirth experience so women share their own stories. Think of birth stories as a written version of that birth video you are too scared to watch. I encourage you to read the stories of other women as you prepare for your own birth. I distinctly remember holding my baby for the first time and thinking, “ohhh this is what they are talking about.” You will soon be one of the many who have gone through this life changing process. Reading birth stories will give you context for your own experience and a connectedness to a broader community of women who have chosen to become birthing mothers.

For those just getting started on a pregnancy journey, below is one idea for how to document your experience in pregnancy and birth in book format. When I first created a book for my first child I imagined my daughter reading it one day but as I look back on each book created I find it is more for myself… at least for now.

This is how I made my birth books:

1.       Create a private blog through your google account. I didn’t want anyone else stumbling across my inner most thoughts. The blog allows you to keep your entries online and all in one place.

2.       Write each entry as its own separate blog post. I chose to write an entry approximately every month in my pregnancy and then documented my birth story a few weeks after each birth. I uploaded my bump pics and any relevant photos to the appropriate posts. You could do a post for your baby shower, pictures of the baby blanket you are making, and things like photos of a dear friend coming over to help you get ready for baby or a babymoon trip. You could even take a photo of yourselves watching your Sweet Pea Prep birth classes! ; )

3.       When all the entries are done you will want to go back and edit them for spacing and appearance and put the titles in that you like. These titles will become the titles of each section of your book.

4.       I then used a service that turns your blog into a book. The platforms will allow you to directly upload the content and edit to make your book just the way you like it.

5. Then you purchase the book and it is mailed to you house!

Maybe you don’t want to create a book….there are so many creative ways to tell your birth story. Maybe you would rather write a letter to your baby or you could create a framed print to remember the experience. You also don’t have to be creative at all… you could simply send yourself an email that you can look back at when you feel like it. I simply encourage you to process the experience, both the highs and the lows. Remember how brave you were, how beautiful your baby was, how supportive your partner was (or something silly they did), and how surprised and amazed you were by your strength as a new mom!

Want to create a pregnancy journal? Check out my Journal Templates