5 Top Tips For Finding The Perfect Au Pair For Your Family
/The Pros & Cons of the Au Pair Program: My Top 5 Tips For Finding Your Perfect Au Pair
Choosing the Right Childcare for Your Baby: Why You Should Consider the Au Pair Program
Finding the right childcare for your newborn can be one of the most overwhelming aspects of becoming a parent. As new parents, you want to ensure your little one is in the best hands — but it can feel like a nightmare trying to balance cost, trust, and the need for quality care. Whether you're considering nanny services, daycare options, or other alternatives, it’s important to find a childcare solution that meets your family's unique needs. For many parents, the Au Pair program has proven to be an effective solution, offering personalized care in a family-centered environment.
Since 2016, my family has relied on the Au Pair program for childcare, and it’s been an incredible experience. Not only does an au pair provide flexible, in-home care, but it also creates a nurturing environment that can help your baby thrive. If you’re expecting your first baby and feeling overwhelmed by childcare decisions, I highly encourage you to consider this option. In this post, I’ll share my experience with the Au Pair program, along with my top tips for finding the perfect au pair for your family. Ready to start your childcare search? Check out Cultural Care Au Pair, one of the top agencies that helps families like yours connect with amazing au pairs.
How I Got Started With The Au Pair Program
Some people have an initial gut reaction that the au pair program is not possible for them saying things such as: “I could not have someone living in my home,” or “there is no way we could host an au pair because we dont have the space.” The truth is that sometimes you have to get creative to solve your problems. When I first registered for the au pair program I was living in a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo in Washington DC with my husband and our 1 and 3 year old children. We were utilizing a nanny and while very expensive it was going well. My problem was not finding child care, but an entirely different concern. I needed a third bedroom so my 1 year old would finally sleep through the night but I could not afford a larger home. My little guy refused to sleep more than 4 hours at a time when sharing a bedroom. So musical beds became a regular occurrence. After spending 6 months with the one year old alone in a bedroom (sleeping well) and my 3 year old and myself in the master bedroom (also sleeping well), my poor husband who had been sleeping on the couch declared enough was enough! Due to the cost of using a nanny in DC I came to the realization that we could spend more money on housing and less on childcare and our out of pocket costs would not change overall. Crazy, right? I could move to a home that fit our needs physically at night with space for an au pair and lower my childcare costs enough to make it work. So, we moved down the street to a townhome with a tiny 3rd bedroom and a basement that we converted to an au pair bedroom. My husband came back to our bedroom, we all got some sleep, and continued to have reliable child care for our kids. The move even came with a small backyard for the kids to play- a total bonus!
Our Amazing Au Pairs Over The Years!!
Each au pair has been unique and wonderful.
Santa, from Italy helped Benji learn to take the bottle when I went back to work and watched our older two when I went to the hospital to give birth. She brought joy and creativity to our home at a time we really needed it.
Yesica, from Columbia was our first au pair and loved our 2 children like they were her own family. Jonah is still her papacito and we are still very close. She was reliable and consistent with the kids while also being fun and creative.
Dani from Brazil, or as Benji would call her Deeee, was the big sister Siena always wanted, Benjis security blanket and so much more. Dani was pure love with the kids and they felt it.
Lucie from France has passed on a love of the French language, culture, and food to my kids. Siena is already asking if one day if she can go to France and be Lucie’s au pair. Lucie makes caring for three busy kids look easy. She is so inspired to learn about American culture and we are happy to share it with her.
Pros & Cons Of The Au Pair Program
The au pair program has its positive and negative elements but space and or cohabiting is generally lower on the list of concerns then you might imagine. Here are my Positives and Negatives of the Au Pair program.
Positives:
Affordable Option (depending where you live it can be an even bigger positive)
The price does not change even with additional kids
Because housing and food are provided by you the annual cost of an au pair is less than daycare and less than many nanny salaries
Childcare that feels like family
Having someone in your home allows for you to get to know the au pair in a way that it is more challenging to do with a person living outside of your home. Your au pair will come and go but share in moments both small and big that allow for conversations and sharing. Your kids will likely interact with their au pair not just during working hours - even if it's just a few minutes at a time.
Learning about a new culture and what that inherently teaches your kids
My kids have not just had the opportunity to taste foods from Columbia, Brazil, Italy, and France but they have learned that there are people outside of their local community that have traditions, cultural differences, and language to share. My kids get to celebrate differences on a daily basis. They become language teachers and simultaneously are excited to share their own traditions with each au pair we have had.
Lifelong friendships for your family
I always say that one day I am going on a world tour and going to visit all of our au pairs. It was not intentional but I happen to have selected au pairs from wonderful places that I would be incredibly lucky to visit one day. My 10 year old asked our au pair the other day if when she is 21 she could go to France to be her au pair. The exposure to adventure and curiosity that these young women have shared with my kids has been an amazing gift.
Flexibility & Convenience
There are restrictions on the amount and use of time you are able to have your au pair work but you can adjust as needed within those rules. Work schedule changes, canceled plans, sick kids, and the need for help at random or odd stretches of hours is no longer a deal breaker.
Negatives:
Turnover
Each au pair agrees to come to the United States for 12 months when they sign up for the program and then have the option to extend for either 6 or 9 or 12 months. Consistency in your care provider and the closeness of the bond is one of the benefits of having an au pair so when they leave it can feel tough for both the parents and the kids. Parents know they will have to go through the search process again and kids while resilient at times may struggle with the transitions. Each time we welcomed a new au pair ( we have had 5) there was about 3 months of strange behavior from the kids in our home. Kids don’t tell you how they are feeling, they just wake more at night or wet the bed, or fuss or cling more. Ultimately things would smooth out and my kids simultaneously learned an important lesson that even though the prior au pair was no longer living in our home she was still a part of our family.
When its bad its bad
We had one experience in which we had to match very quickly in order to ensure child care coverage for our family and in retrospect it was a big mistake. We brought an excited young woman to our home and we had not taken the suggestions that I will give you below. She was a sweet girl and excited to come to the US but she was not a good fit for our family. She was not able to deal with the challenges of child care in our home (we all have them), and I was ot able to give her the attention she required due to circumstances in our life at that time (I was in my first trimester of my third pregnancy and felt horrible). Her sadness and loneliness and struggles became too much and we mutually decided to rematch. My big takeaway here is that my gut told me when she first arrived that she was likely not a good fit but I was so scared of being without childcare that we tried to make it work longer than we should have.
A lengthy selection process
I am grateful that I met my husband in person, as in NOT online, as I now realize how challenging online dating must be. If you found your person online, amazing! But I am sure it was at times frustrating sifting through all of those profiles and wondering “where is s/he already?!” I equate finding an au pair to online dating. You may like her but she doesn't like you. She may like you but not as much as she likes the other family. You may match and talk to her for months and then 2 weeks before she comes to the USA she sends you an email saying she is pregnant and not coming…. Not that that happened to me or anything ; )
The process can feel slow and there will be both rejection and frustration. I joke with my husband that through the au pair search process I have been making friends ALLLL over the world these past 7 years. I have so many girl’s phone numbers saved in my phone/whatsapp and I have no idea what country they are from or when in the last 7 years I met them. The faster I accepted the process however the easier it was for me to move through it.
Tips For Finding Your Perfect Au Pair
In order to help with some of these search process challenges I am giving you my top tips for finding the perfect au pair for your kids. When sifting through profiles you must be both open minded and targeted in your search. Maybe you didn't imagine hosting an au pair with a tongue ring but she is perfect in every way that is significant to you. She may still be your girl! You are likely a busy person just by virtue of being a parent so you will want to use your time spent reviewing profiles and interviewing candidates wisely.
Top 5 Tips for Finding the Perfect Au Pair for Your Family: A Guide for Expecting Parents
Finding the right childcare for your newborn can feel overwhelming, especially when you're navigating it for the first time. As an expectant parent, you're likely balancing a million thoughts and emotions about your upcoming life changes, and choosing a caregiver is a big decision. One option many parents explore is the Au Pair program — a unique childcare solution that offers flexible, personalized care. Here are my top 5 tips for finding the perfect au pair for your growing family.
1. Clarify Your Needs Before You Start Searching for an Au Pair
Before you even begin browsing profiles, it’s crucial to consider what your family truly needs at this stage. Each time I’ve looked for an au pair, I’ve started by outlining my children’s specific needs and the nature of the job. As an expecting mother, think ahead to your future childcare needs — whether it’s infant care, toddler supervision, or even helping with older siblings.
For instance, one year I needed someone who could handle a spirited toddler, while another year we focused on finding a caregiver experienced in both infant care and managing multiple children. Other priorities included the ability to drive safely (if necessary) or work flexible hours for family activities.
Focus on your unique situation, and be upfront about what you're really looking for. It’s important to find an au pair who meets your care needs while also being a good personality fit for your family.
2. Learn How to Read Between the Lines of an Au Pair's Profile
Once you’ve set your priorities, it’s time to dive into candidate profiles. Here’s how to sift through them effectively:
Step 1: Eliminate Deal Breakers
Start by filtering out profiles that don’t meet your core needs. For example, if you need someone who can care for infants but the candidate has only cared for older children, move on. If driving is a must for you, and the au pair doesn’t have a license or experience, eliminate them from the search right away.
Step 2: Dive Deeper and Understand Their Motivation
Next, go beyond the surface. What drives the candidate to become an au pair? Is it curiosity about other cultures, learning English, or gaining professional experience? Be cautious if the motivation seems to be more about travel or escaping a personal situation.
I’ve found that when an au pair’s motivation is more aligned with the childcare experience than personal reasons (like traveling or avoiding problems at home), it creates a more successful match for both sides. As an expecting parent, you want someone committed to providing excellent care for your newborn above all.
Step 3: Look for Subtle Clues
Pay attention to details that might reveal more about the candidate’s skills and personality. For example, if a candidate claims to drive regularly but only uses her uncle’s car once a week, this might indicate less driving experience than you need. If they only have experience with babies, they might not be as comfortable with older children.
Also, check for signs of open-mindedness and inclusivity in their responses. I personally look for candidates who are respectful of different family dynamics — especially if your family has unique structures, like same-sex couples. The candidate’s willingness to work in diverse settings is a good sign of adaptability and maturity.
3. Don’t Be Afraid of Considering Rematch Candidates
A rematch happens when an au pair and a host family decide to part ways. While it may seem risky at first, rematch candidates can be a great option. They’re typically available sooner, and agencies provide helpful background information on why the match didn’t work out.
We found our first au pair in rematch, and it turned out to be a perfect fit for our family. For example, her previous family had younger children who didn’t like her constant reminders to be careful, but that’s exactly what I needed for my energetic toddlers! Rematch candidates can sometimes bring a lot of value — so don’t rule them out.
4. Be Honest About the Job and Your Family’s Needs
It’s tempting to “sell” your family as the ideal host family— highlighting your beautiful home, vacation plans, or special perks. But I recommend being upfront about both the positives and the challenges. It’s important for an au pair to know what she’s getting into so she can make an informed decision.
Share the realities of your day-to-day life. For instance, let them know if you have a busy schedule or multiple children with different needs. Don’t hide the difficult aspects. Being transparent helps both sides determine if the fit is right. If an au pair is still excited to join your family after knowing all of this, then you’ve likely found the right candidate.
5. Understand the Candidate’s Priorities and Communication Style
When looking for an au pair, consider their response times and how they communicate. If a candidate is quick to respond and genuinely enthusiastic about your profile, it’s a good sign. On the other hand, if she delays communication or provides vague responses, that could be a red flag.
Additionally, be aware that candidates often speak to multiple families at once, so their availability may vary. Trust your gut and set a time frame for responses (around 3 days is a good rule of thumb). If they aren’t engaged or responsive, move on — you want someone who genuinely wants to join your family.
Frustration Is Normal
Once you get started searching for an au pair you will likely find yourself frustrated often and that is completely normal. I cannot begin to count the times I have said “I CAN'T DO IT!!” to which my husband responds, “you HAVE to do it.” Similar to dating, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/ss. There is not just one right person out there for your family but each au pair brings something unique and special to the arrangement. I am currently the beneficiary of a French au pair who makes wonderful crepes and who has inspired my three year old to learn French (Thanks Lucie). These details however were completely unexpected as our match was based on who she is as a person, her ability to fit into our home, and her ability to provide great care! The search process can at times feel like a full time job. The challenges of the process fade quickly when you find the right person to live in your home and care for your kids. When you feel great about your selection it is completely worth it.
Want to get started? Check out the agency I use HERE, its one of the largest.
